Confessions of an Aging Mother

I honestly never thought I would say this.  Certainly not in some kind of public forum where anyone in the world could read it.

Oh, goodness gracious, no!

But I actually feel sorry for my mother.

I wasn't a "bad kid," per se.  Nor was I the most wonderful child a parent could ask for.  Mostly I was quiet, unassuming, antisocial and stubborn to a serious fault.  I didn't like school much, my grades were barely passing, and if I had a choice between going out and running around with friends, or sitting on the couch reading a book - I would invariably choose the later.

One of my mothers favorite tales of woe ("whoa?") was of me in the 5th grade.  Mr. Wilson was my teacher, and the most memorable thing I can tell you about him was that he used to be a professional NBA player, and was very tall.  Whether or not he was a good teacher, I would not be able to say.  I will give him credit, he certainly tried.

("He tried and failed?"  "He tried and died...")

As my mother tells it, Mr. Wilson had recognized that "stupid" was not a word that could be used to describe me, but "lazy" sure was.  And so he was dead set and determined to make sure that I did my classwork and excelled in school.  And how he was going to do that was by sitting after school with me until I finished my homework.

Mind you, I lived within a stones throw of the school.  Riding a bike was never an option, certainly not riding the bus.  Because my mom could stand in our side yard and see me playing in the playground.  So, when 7pm rolled around one fateful evening and I still hadn't shown my face after school, my Mom walked on down to see what was going on.

What she found was a stare down of immense proportions.  There I was, sitting in my desk at the back of the room - GLARING - at my teacher, and Mr. Wilson was at his desk with a look that acknowledged defeat.  He had been out-stubborned by a 5th grader.  Mom laughed on the inside, gave Mr. Wilson her sympathies (she knew what he was in for, even if he didn't), and took me home to have supper and then go to bed.

And now, here I am.  I'm 38, and my 10 year old son is many things.  Stupid is nowhere on that list, but lazy sure as hell is.  And so is stubborn.  Thankfully, he's lost the few "stubborn-off's" he's had with me, so I'm a bit thankful that the attitude appears to have been diluted somewhat by his fathers even keeled nature.  Kiddo is now in the 5th grade, and I see him having some of the same problems that I had at that age.

The problem being, while I honestly didn't care if anyone liked me or not, Kiddo really does, and it's lead him into some problems.

And I worry about him, and I understand how my mother felt when I was young.

When did Elitism become a BAD thing?

Because I have to ask, what is so wrong with being elite?

Being the top of your craft?  Having the knowledge, the wherewithal, the gumption to get it all done?

Here is what started this: I have linked with several friends and old acquaintances from high school via Facebook.  (Yeah, I know, what a boob am I).  Some were people I was honestly and generously interested in finding out where and what they were doing.  Some were... meh...  It's interesting, but sometimes - not so much.

Anyway, one of my FB acquaintances send me a link of a gentleman conducting the Rainier Symphony in WA.  Reading through the comments, it hit me that I knew this man, went to school with him - heck, his father was my elementary school band director.  

I remember him being kind, gentle, and amazingly talented and intelligent.  I googled him and found a copy of his resume online, it appears that he really hit the big time, conducting the Presidential Army Band, to the Moscow University Symphony.  As someone who grew up immersed in music, it was a life to be slightly envied from my cubicle farm job from hell.

After watching the video and having some flashbacks to those halcyon days of high school, I send the link to my brother, because the Conductor and my brother were both drum majors in my high school marching band.  I honestly thought Brother would enjoy this slight flash from the past and we could have a small moment together.

Yeah.  My bad.

Brother's response:  "I can still kick his ass."

Really?  You're over 40 now, Brother.  This is the epitome of your repartee?  

How you could kick his ass?

Why was this appropriate? Even in high school?

I asked Brother the reasoning behind his response, and he tells me that in no uncertain terms, did he ever like the Conductor, and how the Conductor was never his friend. I stated that Conductor seemed like a nice guy to me, why the hostility?

“Because, he was – and is – an elitist.”

Wait a minute, what? An elitist?

The guy was (and probably still is) a BRILLIANT musician. I remember him getting scholarships to many universities and even studying abroad in Japan. Why does this come across as a bad thing? He is talented, intelligent, worked hard and is now at the top of his game. Why is this a BAD thing?

Which made me think. I hear people nowadays, on the news blogs and tubes of the interweb, hell – even in my own family (obviously) deride the “elite.” They dislike Obama because he's “elite.” They poo poo at anyone showing any sign of intelligence and the will to use it as completely Un-American.

And I don't get it.

Isn't the American Dream all about working hard and realizing your potential? Becoming better then you were, and moving towards greater heights? Isn't the myth of the American society about the poor man who worked hard, went to a good school, started his own business and becoming a millionaire? Where did that myth go, and why is it suddenly about the “average” guy, who can't form a complete sentence during a debate? Or about the half-term governor who STILL can't properly pronounce “nuclear?”

When did we become all about the lowest common denominator instead of the best that we can all be?

So, to the Conductor: I apologize that my brother is, apparently, an ignorant berk – and that he apparently terrorized you in high school. I'm glad you hit the big time, and I'm planning on making a road trip up to Rainier to see your symphony.

To the rest of you, who seem to think that stupidity is something for you to wear, like a badge of honor, I say to you thusly: Go read a book – it'll do you a world of good.

DANGER - ROBO-SIGNERS AHEAD!

Let me say, I've worked in the REO industry for over 10 years now, and I've seen a lot.

I've seen people saying that values in Detroit, MI were never going to get lower, only to see the price of a house go from $40K to given away for $500.  I've seen sheriff's shoot the borrowers pit bull.  I've seen having one of my agents killed by some tenants.  I've seen fraud perpetrated by borrowers the likes of which you haven't seen.

I've seen grow houses, meth houses, murder houses, suicide houses, houses that blew up, houses that had a pool in the middle of the living room, and houses that were used as a tiger pen (no, really...).

So, yeah, I've seen a lot.

Because of this, I think I can safely comment on the latest foreclosure fiasco that is on the news 24/7.

The dreaded ROBO-SIGNERS.

First off - big disclaimer:  I am many things, but the one thing I'm not is an attorney.  But I'm familiar enough with foreclosure procedure to be able to tell you one little thing. This robo-signer thing shouldn't be as big of a deal as it is.

Yes, the employees of loan servicers should not have signed an affidavit that they didn't take the time to verify was true.  That should be Foreclosure Rule #1:  If you sign an affidavit, make sure you know what it is you're signing.  Perjury is, after all, a crime.

Yes, this is a problem.  Too many foreclosures occurred because of invalid affidavits.

BUT, let's clarify something here:

What's in the affidavits, the information regarding how much a borrower owes and when the last time they made a payment was - IS TRUE.

Trust me, I've dealt with borrower attorneys. Their job (and they do it well) is to find any means possible to stall the foreclosure/eviction and keep their client in the house as long as possible.  But in all the multitude of articles, commentary, posts on the internet, etc., not a single borrower's attorney has been able to say "YES, this affidavit was executed improperly, AND the information contained within is FALSE.  My client DOES NOT owe the money to the bank!"

People owe money, and they owe a lot.  Period.

Let me clue you in on something:  Banks are in this for the money.  They're doing this for profit.  They didn't loan you $120K out of the goodness of their hearts, they did it because you signed a mortgage agreeing to pay 7% interest over 30 years and that makes the bank A LOT of money.  And you know when the bank makes the most amount of money?

When you make your payments on time for 30 years.

Obviously, if you're not making your payment, they're not making money.  If they have to foreclose on you, they're not making money.  Even when real estate values were going up, banks STILL LOST MONEY when they had to resell the houses.  They've lost interest, and have incurred thousands of dollars in costs to the foreclosure attorney, eviction attorney, maintenance company, real estate agent, tax collector, etc.

And now?  When values are still doing down?  Banks are losing money hand over fist. They don't WANT to foreclose on you.  But when you haven't made your mortgage payment in over a year, there really is no other choice.

And oh, by the way, that mortgage you signed?  It gives the bank the right to do it.

Now, don't get me wrong.  I am not absolving the banks of any responsibility for the fiasco the US Economy is in right now.   The banks did wrong, with all this mortgage backed securities, bundling, sub prime lending the works.

But guess what, America?  So did you.  So did you when you used your house as an ATM machine and refinanced 8 times in 3 years, each time taking out cash to pay for your fancy cars and vacations.  So did you when you bought a house you couldn't afford.  So did you when you didn't read the mortgage you signed telling you it was an adjustable rate note, and you didn't budget appropriately for when the payment was going to change.

Many, many people have suffered hardships.  Many people have lost their jobs, had medical issues and suffered bad things happening in their lives.  Those people need help, and should have been helped with any means the bank had at their disposal.

But to the gentleman who came to a borrower outreach event, and told me that I couldn't foreclose on him because then he would have to live in his Lexus?  Watch me resist the urge to roll my eyes.

And go trade in that Lexus for a used Ford.